Helping Him Cross

My last blog talked about poor sick Miles.  I said I wished the pets could speak. 

Miles couldn’t speak and could barely breathe.  It was up to me, as his human friend, to try and understand his body communication.  I tried all kinds of foods and he would turn his head away, or move further away with his head away from me to tell me he didn’t want (or couldn’t) eat.  All Miles wanted to do was sit on my lap and sleep.  He drank water but was losing weight rapidly and losing muscle mass.

A humidifier in the room seemed to help ease his breathing some but it was still very noisy breathing and it looked exhausting.  It had been 7 weeks since we returned and found him ill.  We had tried antibiotics, steroids and all kinds of food.   He wouldn’t eat and his nose discharge was now from both nostrils. 

On Friday night I held him.  When I got up to go to bed, he turned his nose into the corner of the sofa and slept.

The next day, March 30, 2013 (day before Easter Sunday) morning, I arose, and had breakfast with my husband outside in the sun.  I got Miles out from his hiding place and brought him out to the sun so he could smell the fresh air, feel the warm sun and walk a bit in the yard.  Then I told my husband we were taking him to the vet.  He had called and so they knew we were coming.  I held Miles in my arms wrapped in the sofa throw he slept on and did not use the pet carrier.  We took him into an exam room that was softly lit with a lamp; the exam table had a soft cushion on it.

Our favorite vet came in, upon our request, to assess him, as she had not been following his case.  She pointed out how exhausting it was for him to breathe.  Miles went to the door that led to the back rooms of the clinic and loudly meowed.  The vet said she absolutely thought it was time and we were being kind in euthanizing him.  I alternated between deep breaths and loud sobs, dry eyes and rivers of tears.  We asked that they sedate him first and said we would be present in his final minutes.  I just couldn’t send him into the back room for his last breath without me!  I told Miles “You are a good boy, you protected me, you never got up on the counters; you are so sweet. You aren’t going to get better.   It is BAD.  We want to help you cross over.” 

When they brought him back in, sedated, he was hyped up instead and she said sometimes that happens.  He calmed a bit.  We told her we were ready and as she began to inject the substance into his leg, I panicked and asked quickly “What will happen??”  She replied they just slump down and as she said it, that is what happened and I turned away, sobbing hysterically, into my husband’s arms.  I couldn’t stand that his beautiful green eyes would no longer look at me, I felt like a murderer, again (3^rd euthanized pet). 

Miles lay on the exam table, with some nerve tremors under my hands that soon calmed.  We stroked him and talked to him, both of us in tears.  The vet calmed us and said we absolutely did the right thing.  She saw him as uncomfortable and it was time.  She pointed out how peaceful his face was and said “Look, all the nasal passages have drained and it was horrible for him to try and breathe – he was sniffing it back in and swallowing it.  He had kidney disease and a tumor in his lung.  This was a kind act.”

We gave permission to cremate him and have his ashes taken with others to Mt Rainier. 

Simba is still mewing for Miles daily, 9 days later and seems sad.  We are sad.  No longer do I see Miles peering at me from my closet or come into my bathroom to see me from the closet.  I took away the rug that was in the closet for him to lie on.  We don’t hear his slight snores he made in healthier days as he slept in the cat tower in our bedroom, hidden behind a sheet because of his crazy fear of my husband.  I took down the "hiding" sheet.

My lap cat who took naps with me is gone, and Simba misses the older brother who kept him in line no matter how hard Simba tried to assert himself.  Miles was always the Master Fighter with Simba the student. Miles was never afraid of Simba.  The photo of him (Tabby) grooming Simba and of them playing was taken a couple of years ago.   The last photo below shows Simba grooming Miles, and was taken in the last few weeks of Miles' life.

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We all miss him terribly and hopefully our depression(s) will diminish quickly.  I talk to Simba and play with him to try and help him; but this joyful cat with a human sense of humor is obviously depressed and distressed that his “brother” Miles is not here and doesn’t come out when he calls for him.

Time To Let Go

When we returned from a 9 day vacation in February 2013, Miles, our older Brown Tabby (see previous post) was sneezing and one nostril was runny.  Our veterinary technician pet sitter said the issue had just begun.  The vet subscribed antibiotics while mentioning that a discharge from one nostril could mean a tumor.  One week later, the discharge was not better and he had breathing that sounded like snoring.  We tried another week of the meds with no result.  His appetite was waning.

I watched as he struggled to breathe and walked slowly.  Miles changed his hiding place from my closet to the office, where a litter box had always been placed, so consciously or not, this was better for him. 

I would bring Miles out from his hiding place after my husband left for work, and put him in the sun by the sliding glass patio door or on a blanket on the couch.  Simba and Miles sat in the sun. I watched as Miles ducked his head in what appeared to be fatigue and relaxation, as Simba groomed his head.  Miles was still able to fight off Simba’s naughty boy behavior such as chasing him, or biting his neck. 

Near the end of the 2^nd week of antibiotics, I called the vet office and suggested we do a dental on him to see if it was a bad tooth. The vet who was following him called late in the day and said he had very labored breathing (no kidding!) and she wanted to do a chest x-ray.  No word for 5 days, she was out – (what??  no word left with another vet to call us?  I was not happy).  Turns out he had a tumor in his lung and possibly one in his stomach.   We were already treating him for over 2 years for mild kidney disease.  All of this, with the nasal discharge, painted a grim picture.  The vet office recommended we take him elsewhere for a treatment plan with an ultrasound.  I opted not to do that.  It meant they would want more tests and more procedures.  He already had a bunch of issues and we had a large bill to pay for the x-rays, exams, medicine.  An ultrasound would be $500 and a nasal scope would be way more than that. 

I asked about steroids for inflammation to see if it will help him breathe better and it worked …. For 2 days…..he was waiting for me by my computer when I got out of bed.  Then he relapsed and hid in the office under the futon, with not much interest in food.  The steroids made him thirstier and I was warned would speed up kidney disease.    I was just hoping maybe for a few more months of comfortable living for him.

Miles had so many issues we didn’t want to put him through some crazy cancer treatment or surgery and we didn’t know exactly how old he was, just that he was older than Simba.  I held him on my lap in the evenings watching TV and on my chest to take naps together.  In his younger, healthy days, he would stretch out with me for a nap and reach up and place one paw on my cheek.  Now he was too weak to do that and I had to keep wiping his nose like a runny- nosed child.  Several times I thought I needed to take him to be euthanized but then he seemed to still be enjoying his life. 

The dogs sniffed at him (cancer sniffers?) and Mariah, the dog that doesn’t like the cats near her, even touched her nose to Miles’ nose.  My husband stopped walking so heavily and slamming the hallway door to the garage.  He became more subdued so as not to frighten him.  Miles’ eyesight was almost gone and his hearing was getting bad except for loud noises.

I was super stressed and unable to sleep well for worry about him and the euthanasia decision.  Several times each day I heated up food in the microwave to make it more palatable and fragrant.  I tried sardines, I blended food; I even tried some chicken broth (he was allergic to poultry) but he couldn’t eat much.  He slowly wandered through the rooms, and then went back to his hiding place. I knew the time for the decision was coming and I had to be the one to do it.  If only he could talk.........

Acceptance - Quirks of Pets

21 year old cat dies.  15 year old dog dies.  Within 2 months of each other.

Enter new pets, adopted several months later, fully grown pets, with issues known and unknown.  2 male cats, 2 female dogs, double down this time!  

First the cats were frightened of the dogs and hid.  Slowly all became aware that no harm was meant by any under this roof, and so it became a somewhat peaceable kingdom.  The cats play together and enjoy each other.  The dogs are inseparable, both have to go when one has a vet appointment; despite not knowing each other before we adopted them and being totally different breeds and dispositions, they adore each other.  Ruby is afraid of nothing!  Mariah is scared of all noises and became severely ill on her first 4th of July with us.  Which one do you think is which from the photo?

We tore out the carpet and put in hardwoods after that first 4th of July.  

Several years pass and the big orange and white Angora cat Simba (his name when we adopted him) becomes diabetic.  I have nicknamed the cats Bruce Lee and Chuck Norris, Simba being larger and not quite as fast as the brown Tabby, Miles, who strikes with the speed of a snake and finesse of Bruce Lee.  Miles (I contemplated long and hard for a fitting name for a handsome cat) has also taken to believing that my husband is the lead male cat in the house, the only male allowed, and thus hides in the closet when my Ralph is home.  Simba is the curious cat, the one with the sense of humor and he absolutely adores Ralph.  He is the smartest cat I have ever had and I've lived with many, many cats through my life.  Miles is like a cougar, long and sleek.  Simba is just like a lion, with large paws (tufts of hair in paws) and a beautiful mane.

Fast forward some more years when everyone is older now.  Miles (unknown age but older than Simba's 10 years) still hides when Ralph is home and will only come out when he is absolutely sure the "leader" is not around.  The problem is that these cats are indoor only cats and the litter boxes are not near the closet.  Miles won't pass by Ralph so I have to carry him to the litter box in the morning on weekends.  Ralph many times stays up late and he gets up early to give Simba his insulin injection.  This means less time for Miles to sneak out to the litter box, and means more stress for me, worrying if he has woken in the night and used the box, or slept through the night and then really has to go but is afraid to run past Ralph!

It's not Ralph's fault - he hasn't done anything to Miles and he has no mean intentions towards him.  We even had an animal communicator come over, early on, when Miles still crept onto the bed once we were asleep.  Miles told the animal communicator that in the wild there's only one male allowed but during the night everyone stays together for protection.  She tried to communicate back that we wanted him to join our family at all times, but he is just not comfortable.  I've tried pheromones, drugs, holding him on my lap next to my husband - no steps taken have worked.  

So now he lives here with acceptance - we accept his irrational fear of Ralph and I do carry him to the litter box to ensure he has gone.  As he gets older, we may have to change the location of the boxes, or isolate him in a room during the times when Ralph is home more such as weekend.

What is sad is that Ralph doesn't get to see how cuddly and sweet Miles is - he only sees him running away to the other side of the house into a hiding place.  He doesn't get to see Miles and Simba rough housing together.  Simba is still trying to show Miles that he is the king and Miles allows it because he knows he can take Simba down whenever he wants to.

I swear that when these pets die I will not get more pets.  I am tired of the stress, the messes, the hair, the expenses.  They are more trouble than children are.  

Yet, oh! the pleasure they bring to us, the love, the humor, the companionship....time will tell.......and everytime I see animals needing a home my heart softens just a wee bit. Then the logical mind screams in my ear, "Are you CRAZY?  Don't you want to travel?  I thought you were sick of accident clean ups, trying to find pet sitters!"    We'll see............

Trees, Yann Arthus-Bertrand was appointed by the United Nations to produce the official film for the International Year of Forests.

This video is wonderful and the images are breathtaking -
http://youtu.be/-HSaAlPRN-c

Clouds

Yesterday and today had the most fabulous clouds here in the South Puget Sound.  When I was small in Illinois, I would lay in the grass in the summer and watch the clouds.  We all could see different things in them shout it out to our friends - it might be an animal or a person's face or the shape of a flower.  Clouds in the Pacific Northwest are usually stratus clouds - flat and gray and all encompassing.  Cumulous clouds make me light up with excitement.    The cumulous and cumulonimbus ones are so magnificient - sometimes miles high, sometimes dark and threatening - a sky with these clouds fascinates and thrills me.
Perhaps the underlying current of a possible electrical storm, also are rare here in the Northwest, adds to this excitement.  Having grown up in the Midwest, I miss the electrical storms, the huge clouds floating across a sky that is usually blue, and the fireflies.  I do not, however, miss the humidity or the huge amounts of snow snarling traffic or the tornadoes.  Seeing mountain peaks everywhere (because Puget Sound is in between the Cascade and the Olympic mountain ranges), and the ocean and large lakes surrounded by tall fir trees gives daily inspiration and I never tire of these views.

The sky is still blue this evening and I now see stratus, cumulous and cirrus clouds.  Mt Rainier (about one hour from my home on winding, country roads, so large, it makes its own weather) is just barely visible now with a layer of various types of clouds above it, around it and moving toward it.

© Andrea Corwin

Myrrh and Goldenseal

Well, I said I would talk about myrrh in a post and this is it. 

If I eat too many walnuts the roof of my mouth gets sore; yet sometimes this happens without ingesting walnuts.  

During one episode I kept rinsing with sea salt for days and the soreness would not resolve.  Then came the big "ah ha" moment!  I had forgotten my herbal remedies!  Ta Da...........myrrh healed it within a day.  Sometimes I mix liquid goldenseal, an antiseptic, with the myrrh in the palm of my hand and then use a finger to put it onto the tender area.  Years ago I bought Dian Dincin Buchman's "Herbal Medicine," an excellent herbal compilation with in-depth information on ailments and herbs.  I believe there is an update to now to this book but I still have my original, falling apart copy.  I don't know if I found the remedy from this book or elsewhere but I do highly recommend the book.

Speaking of goldenseal - here is something I use during cold/flu season and when traveling by air:  I mix liquid goldenseal with echinacea in the palm of my hand and add a bit of water.  Then you close one nostril and sniff the mixture into the other one.  Repeat on both sides.  It burns a bit when it hits your sinus cavities in the cheekbones but that is all right.  Wait a few seconds and then you can blow your nose.  I use this regularly along with some other nutritional support (Shaklee of course) and rarely get sick.  The one time I was flying a lot and forgot to do this, I did get sick.  If I'm on travel, I use it before I leave for the airport.  Mixing the 2 together and using it this way puts a barrier to germs in your nostrils and is especially important on airplanes.