Time To Let Go

When we returned from a 9 day vacation in February 2013, Miles, our older Brown Tabby (see previous post) was sneezing and one nostril was runny.  Our veterinary technician pet sitter said the issue had just begun.  The vet subscribed antibiotics while mentioning that a discharge from one nostril could mean a tumor.  One week later, the discharge was not better and he had breathing that sounded like snoring.  We tried another week of the meds with no result.  His appetite was waning.

I watched as he struggled to breathe and walked slowly.  Miles changed his hiding place from my closet to the office, where a litter box had always been placed, so consciously or not, this was better for him. 

I would bring Miles out from his hiding place after my husband left for work, and put him in the sun by the sliding glass patio door or on a blanket on the couch.  Simba and Miles sat in the sun. I watched as Miles ducked his head in what appeared to be fatigue and relaxation, as Simba groomed his head.  Miles was still able to fight off Simba’s naughty boy behavior such as chasing him, or biting his neck. 

Near the end of the 2^nd week of antibiotics, I called the vet office and suggested we do a dental on him to see if it was a bad tooth. The vet who was following him called late in the day and said he had very labored breathing (no kidding!) and she wanted to do a chest x-ray.  No word for 5 days, she was out – (what??  no word left with another vet to call us?  I was not happy).  Turns out he had a tumor in his lung and possibly one in his stomach.   We were already treating him for over 2 years for mild kidney disease.  All of this, with the nasal discharge, painted a grim picture.  The vet office recommended we take him elsewhere for a treatment plan with an ultrasound.  I opted not to do that.  It meant they would want more tests and more procedures.  He already had a bunch of issues and we had a large bill to pay for the x-rays, exams, medicine.  An ultrasound would be $500 and a nasal scope would be way more than that. 

I asked about steroids for inflammation to see if it will help him breathe better and it worked …. For 2 days…..he was waiting for me by my computer when I got out of bed.  Then he relapsed and hid in the office under the futon, with not much interest in food.  The steroids made him thirstier and I was warned would speed up kidney disease.    I was just hoping maybe for a few more months of comfortable living for him.

Miles had so many issues we didn’t want to put him through some crazy cancer treatment or surgery and we didn’t know exactly how old he was, just that he was older than Simba.  I held him on my lap in the evenings watching TV and on my chest to take naps together.  In his younger, healthy days, he would stretch out with me for a nap and reach up and place one paw on my cheek.  Now he was too weak to do that and I had to keep wiping his nose like a runny- nosed child.  Several times I thought I needed to take him to be euthanized but then he seemed to still be enjoying his life. 

The dogs sniffed at him (cancer sniffers?) and Mariah, the dog that doesn’t like the cats near her, even touched her nose to Miles’ nose.  My husband stopped walking so heavily and slamming the hallway door to the garage.  He became more subdued so as not to frighten him.  Miles’ eyesight was almost gone and his hearing was getting bad except for loud noises.

I was super stressed and unable to sleep well for worry about him and the euthanasia decision.  Several times each day I heated up food in the microwave to make it more palatable and fragrant.  I tried sardines, I blended food; I even tried some chicken broth (he was allergic to poultry) but he couldn’t eat much.  He slowly wandered through the rooms, and then went back to his hiding place. I knew the time for the decision was coming and I had to be the one to do it.  If only he could talk.........